The Scariest Halloween Post: Meet Basic Jenny

Trigger warning: this is the most terrifying spooky Halloween post you will see today. These pictures and posts are satires of actual real life IG influencer feeds. You are welcome.

Hi, my name is Jenny! I’m totally into yoga, eating right and adventure! I am so into LMBL and sharing it with you, my million bazillion insta-friends. My biggest stress is whether to be a VSCO girl, egirl or soft girl. I spend hours agonizing over my lit look and pretending not to. I travel to lots of places to get just the right shot, I hope you all love me and get super jelly! I want you to appreciate culture and nature through my dime good looks and see how great life can be for conventionally beautiful affluent white women. I am gonna make you feel like you can do it too, and tell you how. In reality, unless you have the right family of origin and wealth, DNA, bone structure and collagen make up with mad photo filters, excellent product and a lot of free time, you probably can’t be like me.

As soon as I’ve got that perfect shot, after trampling off trail on any pristine landscapes, or pushing my way to the best spot in the venue, I’m outta there for the next one. I werk hard girl! I need to keep up with my hella TOPE brand and GOAT fans for some epic influencing. I might even spill some tea on who this thicc bae is smashing. Although, you will need my rinsta instead of the finsta to see who I Netflix and chill with. I keep my ships low key bruh. Don’t get salty, no need to cancel, I’m gonna stay surface Gucci and kiss ass for likes.

TBH, in my free time I like to use a lot of carbon emissions, single use plastic and completely ignore any feelings other than my need for money and popularity. Don’t worry though, online I will pretend to care for any trending hot topic for straight fire likes. Save the turtles! I hope you enjoy my feed. Just a regular gal doing regular stuff, just like you! ❤️💫😘 IM me if you have lots of money, and have no integrity.

Believe in me, believe in you. 🏆❤️

Believe in fucking unicorns because I hate the gym. Also, I can’t breathe from sucking in so hard and my leg is cramping. Seriously. This photo hurt me and I don’t have photoshop.

I look good…you look good….we all do. 💫❤️

That’s a lie, I’m hotter than you. DNA, good lighting and product did this with an expensive photoshop twist. Give up now. This is not obtainable.

Just chilling with my coffee. ☕️❤️

I wake up beautiful and happy everyday. That’s because I’m dead inside and all that’s left is this beautiful shell. If you want to know how I do it follow me. I will show you day by day on social media how to sell your soul out for a snapshot.

Living my best life! Stop doing what you are doing and follow me. Follow your dreams. You can do it. Explore the world, explore yourself. ✈️ 🌎❤️

Culturally appropriate, live off the backs of less fortunate people in less developed countries. Use your privilege to bring capitalism to the last vestiges of the world. Fuck the natives, fuck the animals, build a resort and bring your rich friends. I will show you how.

Dream big. Dreams can come true! ❤️

With white privilege and good looks almost anything is possible!

This is me in real life. I don’t give AF about any of this image and popularity shit. This is what I do really give AF about:

The fucking planet

The oceans

Mass extinction and animals

Social justice

Poverty

Black Lives Matter

LGBTQ rights

Intersectional feminism

Mental health and health care

Critical thinking and education

Being Kind (I don’t always succeed, sorry-not-sorry Basic Jenny)

A note to basic Jenny: Rethink your life girl! I’m here for you when you are ready!

If you enjoyed this post you might like: Building My Brand: Ms. Sassy Pants

Shout out to my photographer Eric who put up with me being a bitch all day taking these photos. I wish I could say it was part of the parody. “No Eric! Do it this way! Get this angle!” He’s a patient man.

Note for those in question: I have a blog on the experience of being basic Jenny for a day and social gender norms. This is NOT intended to be a blog mocking pretty girls or women who subscribe to traditional gender performance and norms. If that’s your jam and it feels good: I support you sister! This most definitely IS a blog mocking cultural expectations, prescribed unexamined gender norms and the toxic bullshit of image over critical thinking and humanitarian efforts. Also: much in line with the great Zoolander, I can’t help it if I am “really really good looking.”

May we all sail in peace.